Topsy-Turvy Life

Life is bizarre!! Sometimes it gives you numerous reasons to smile, to celebrate, to feel elated and then suddenly things change... you feel wasted, feel miserable about the whole idea of living, all you want to do is shut yourself from the entire world. Life changes course 360 degrees, shows it's true colors. Think of it, one always has to pass a test before getting their share of happiness, it's like spending sleepless nights waiting for the dawn to come, it's like crossing a path of thorns to reach the final destination... and THAT'S what irks the most. Why does one always have to pay a price for being happy??? a price that might be BIG.. sometimes big enough to leave the scars forever...

I am also a part of this world, a world where every day people cry, desires die, there are fears, fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of hurting or getting hurt, fear of betrayal, fear of not being loved, fear of losing oneself in the bunch of unlimited emotions. With all this coming along as a package, how do we cherish the happy part? Difficult to say... But still the bizarreness persists and we keep trying to make every day a happy day... 

the other side of me...

I try to hide but she finds me everytime

I ask her to leave me alone but she won’t go

She enjoys my cries, she laughs at my miseries

She brings out the devil in me

There seems to be a light far away somewhere

But I can’t find a way to reach there

Nobody is around to listen to my plea

Her dark red eyes are always watching me

When all my tries go in vein, I give up once again

With eyes closed and deep in thoughts, I surrender myself to the pain

Today!!

Today has just got over…

But we still can’t see what worth it held,

What all we could have achieved, what all dreams could have been lived

Instead we chose to waste every moment of it

Thinking about the things we wanted to do tomorrow

But we should always keep in mind,

That one day it would be too late,

When there won’t be any present or any future

When everything would be past, everything would slip out of our hands

Then there would be no choices left…

melancholia...

Everything is so gray, so lifeless, so colorless today just like a faded cloth. It seems as if the word excitement has lost its worth.  The weather, the people, the moods seem so monotonous suddenly. This feeling is not good, just not good. It makes me weak, takes me to another world, the world full of sorrow. Im sulking, im sighing, I’m trying so hard to break this shell, but all my tries are going in vain.

When nothing seems to work, I give up, give up with the hope of tomorrow… 

Lazy Lass!!

The same old problem…sigh!!!


You guys must be thinking what made D not write anything for such a loooong looong time… guess what, the same question I ask myself everyday.


Not that Im short of words… there is always something happening around me or “with me” which I can easily pen down… Bored??? Not at all… Hectic work schedule??? Ahan, its smooth so that can’t be the reason for my disappearance… personal life???… naaaaah…


Well….. Laziness it is…sheer laziness…

The sad phase is finally going, but it has left me with few after effects. I have become more lazy. There was a time when all my weekends were spent going out with friends, but now there is always sleep on my mind…


Forget sleep, otherwise also...there are times when Im doing absolutely nothing, I would prefer sitting idle looking at some random object, lost in trance rather than doing some activity or read or write… for example take yesterday only, my Masi along with my cousin have visited us from Chhattisgarh. I had to take him to the nearby mall, our plan was to watch a nice movie and then go for bowling but this couldn’t happen because of me and my typical laidback attitude. Poor boy, had no other choice but to stay at home and get bored. So the plan got postponed and we are going today hopefully…


So u see, this attitude of mine takes its toll and hampers many things and plans… including my updates on my dear D Diary… But better late than never, so today i would like to officially say that…


Dear D Diary,


Had there been no lethargy, there would have been some really interesting posts but BIG DEAL… the good news is that Im Back... ;)
I can’t promise not to be lazy anymore, but I can surely say that u would always be there in my priority check list ;)


Love ya...

In search of my lost self...

Today, like any other day, alarm is shouting but I am lazy… I don’t want to wake up, I don’t want to follow the so called routine of mine, my eyes are just not ready to open and see the harsh reality… but not everything u want is fulfilled, with this thought I get up and head towards the bathroom… little dozy little sleepy I look at myself in the bathroom mirror…

I lean forward to have a closer look at my face and a conversation from the previous day rings a bell….

Cut to the previous day…

R comes to meet me at my place …

R: Aur bata kaisi hai???

Me: Mai badhiya tu bata…

R: Bas ek dum mast….

(followed by the usual chit chats)

R: Hey, Kya hua hai??

Me: Kya?????

R: somethings wrong… has something happened?

Me: What??

R: U look upset, sad… u look tired…

Me: (pause) mmmmmm, yaa probably im sleepy dats y..

R: No, its not the usual sleepy face… its different… everything alrite??

Me: Yaaaaaaaa……. R u crazy??? Nothing serious… just chill

R: U cant lie to me… u look different and unhappy…everything good at work and home??

Me: yaaaaaa…. Its fine yaar…

R: ok…. anyway (and the talk continues)

Back to the present….

I lean forward to have a closer look at my face, trying to smile, trying all the possible expressions that I usually have… I ask myself… What is it??? Is there something really wrong with me like they say??? When was the last time I had my usual smile on??? Am I really tired??? If yes, what is it I am tired of?? Why is it that everything looks so fake??? Its not that all of them are bad… still I don’t like their presence, why???

Im tired, im bored, im irritated, this is not me… the anger, the irritation, the boredom, the lazyness, this is just not me…

The laughter, the giggles have disappeared, the craziness has disappeared, the passion has taken a back seat, the fun seems far away, the essence has gone…

I miss myself…

Where am I gonna go...

I will stay in ur heart...

I will live in ur memories...

I will breathe with every breath of urs…

I will smile with every smile u show...

Where am I gonna go...where am I gonna go!!

Its u who rule my thoughts…

When I dream, I dream about u…

My songs dance on ur tunes…

My words are neither mine too…

Ur presence makes my heart glow…

Where am I gonna go… Where am I gonna go!!

My days and nights belong to u my dear…

When ur around I have no fear…

Every moment we spend together is safe deep inside…

In life if ever u miss me, just close ur eyes and I will be there…

Just look at me once...

I may not get a chance again…

Lemme hold u close...

And recall from where it all began…

My love for u will always grow…

Where am I gonna go… Where am I gonna go…!!